your office time is out then you can say – “Sorry man, after office, I have taken a commitment to go to the gym from 8:00am my gym starts and I have to go there”.
People think that if they say “No” then they become selfish, people will say selfish. I used to think so before. It is very difficult to say “No” because of all these reasons.
Let’s see how “No” is said. To say “no” you have to understand three things.
First is that saying “No” does not make you a selfish person rather it rises your generosity.
EXAMPLE – There are many people who say yes to others, accept their words and then become exhausted because they have run out of energy but still they are wasting their energy for others which increases their stress.
Because of which people talk well on their face but do evil behind their backs get angry at them. Whereas the person who thinks about himself does not have so much bitterness in him. Every person has some needs which are very important to be full fill and if he is not fulfilled then this thing will give him mental problem.
In Emotional Intelligence, it has been told that humans have an emotional tank like vehicles have a petrol tank, which if it runs out, the car will not run.
Similarly, we also have an emotional tank, which if it becomes empty we will not be able to talk well, there will be irritability and anger inside us due to which we will not be able to form a good relationship with others nor be happy.
That’s why it is very important that we think about ourselves. It is good to help others but it is also important to fulfill your need. In plains, they say that if the oxygen mask falls, then wear your own first then help others. Otherwise, if you make the person on the first side wear a mask by then you will also faint and the other person will also faint. On the other hand, if that person will first wear the oxygen mask himself then he will be more capable in helping others.
If you fulfill your emotional need, things that are important to you by saying “No” then you will be able to do good work for others.
The second thing you have to understand is that saying “No” will not spoil your relationship
it will only strengthen it. I know the person to whom ever you go will always say “yes” to your request. Because of this, people also take advantage, and they do not even value him and his time. I have seen so many times that they waste the time of the person in front.
The person who knows how to say “No”, people value him more. Those people understand that we cannot waste his time. This increases the value of that person and his time. Due to this, the person in front will respect more in long term and your relationships will be better.
The third thing you have to remember is that whenever you say yes to a person
You are saying “No” for all those things which are valuable to you. It is very important to understand this thing. When someone is requesting you which you think that isn’t genuine he can do it himself, then remember.
These 3Ps. People, Project and Personal Wellbeing
Whenever you are saying yes to which person, you are giving your time and energy to him the same time which if you wanted, you could have given to those people who are really valuable to you. That is, your mother, Dad, your friends whom you love. Somewhere you are saying no to these loved ones, you are not spending time with them.
2nd P is for Project. Saying yes means that you are saying no to your project, which will help you move forward in your life.
3rd P – Personal Well Being. Whenever you are saying yes to others it means that you are saying “No” to your personal well being the time you could invest in improving your health, going to the gym, reading books Investing in your mind, which is very important if you want to move forward in your life.
The third thing to remember is that if you are saying ‘yes’ to others you are saying “No” to your people, projects, and personal well being.
Will it really be worth it? If not, please learn to say “No”.
Now let me tell you three specific ways that you can say “No” without making people angry.
1st type is Categorical No.
The author tells an example that he once went to a taxi driver. He asked will you go to the airport? So on this the taxi driver said that sorry sir I have stopped going to the airport. The answer must not have been so much fun on this matter but still the thing was that the taxi driver had created a category that he doesn’t go to airport
which is a bit under stable & it does not annoy the person in front, as much as a harsh no. Similarly, you can also create categories.
Example – If your friend is saying that let’s go to the pub, we will have fun there then you can say that sorry I have stopped going to the pub in weekdays. I have made some rules like if I want to give interview then I give interview only on Friday.
In the same way, you can create boundaries and categories. If you say “No” with the reasons, people will understand. They may not respond so well in starting, but gradually they will understand that yes this person does not do this thing.
This will also increase your values and people like people who have some strong values. That’s why you also set the category for yourself.
The second way to say “No” is by giving a reference to a commitment Example –
If someone tells you that please do my work, and your office time is out then you can say – “Sorry man, after office, I have taken a commitment to go to the gym from 8:00am my gym starts and I have to go there”.
You can say that I have given a commitment that I have to complete the project in 1 week so I cannot do this work for you guys or simply you can also say that I have given time to my family. Because people understand the value of giving commitments.
No one wants to break their commitments. Therefore, say many times, you will understand this thing.
3rd – Counter Offer. Example – If someone tells you to do A/B/C/D work for me then instead of saying no to all the work, you can make a counter offer, sorry I will not be able to do all these things but in one thing I can help you in A work. Or I can refer you to that person who will help you with this task.
Similarly, you can give a counter offer which you can actually do and for which you will not have to spend much time and you will not feel bad in doing it.
A counter offer is also a great way to get people to say “no”. The truth is that whenever you say “No” to people, they will feel bad, but you have to understand that saying “No” is not bad. People may feel bad in starting but it will be good for you. And if it is good for you, it will be good for others as well.
As I already explained, you shouldn’t think saying “No” is such a big deal you should know how to say “No”. Many times the thing will make you a strong individual. Those who do not like people in the beginning, but those who care for you in actual hose people will gradually understand and respect you.
People who do not respect you, if you say “No” to them too then they will also slowly start respecting you. No more Nice guy, and many such books have been written it has been told that whenever you are very available to people, then they don’t like this thing.
They will consciously think that you are a good person but subconsciously this reduces your value. That’s why you learn to say “No”. You don’t need to say “No” on everything but when you don’t feel like doing that thing at all, then you can say “No” and you should.
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