As I woke this morning (to my three year old saying “Mummy the sun is there!” – Damn you Gro-Clock), my phone flashed with notifications of a new week in my pregnancy. As of today I am 28 weeks pregnant and officially in the third trimester so I thought a little post was in order to mark it.
This pregnancy has been quite different from when I was growing my son. Naturally, I’m more tired as I get less time to relax than I did with the first and I’m definitely carrying bigger, which I know because people tell me…so much so that I wrote a post about it!
I always assumed that the second pregnancy would pass really quickly, given that I feel like my life has been on fast forward since the birth of our son but actually, I feel like I’ve been pregnant FOREVER! I can’t believe I’m only just entering the third trimester. Where was the glow and energy of the second trimester? I feel I’ve been duped.
There’s also something that I wasn’t sure whether to talk about on here, however this blog is a honest account of my life and, while I haven’t talked about certain experiences within my life this year because they are others peoples lives as well as my own, it’s solely down to me to decide whether I talk about this. And I am going to, because I think it will be good for me. I’m suffering with anxiety. Those who know me will be surprised by this as I, and others, would never call myself an anxious person. I’m relaxed and laid back, so much so my Mum was convinced that the reason our son was such a placid baby was because of how calm I’d been during my pregnancy. The anxiety is not linked to my pregnancy, the baby or family, but is mostly work related. I won’t go into details as it’s not professional but the short version is that I am unable to deal with my job like I usually can and my coping mechanisms that I would usually use such as “Only X amount of days till holiday.” or “Only one day then the weekend” are not working. I’m feeling a sense of panic when I read emails and it all came to a head when I tried to go back to work on Friday (after two days sick on the Monday and Tuesday) and ended up ringing the doctors from the car park before having a panic attack in the office (not embarrassing at all – note the sarcastic tone!).
Since June I have been experiencing more migraines and headaches, as well as disrupted sleep and a lack of motivation. The doctor has told me that all those things are linked to the anxiety (as well as the pregnancy) which actually makes a lot of sense to me and has made me feel less like I’m going mad! I felt under a lot of pressure in the last half term of last school year and I just about dragged myself through to the summer holidays with a feeling of relief on that last day. What I find hard is that there are colleagues who are under so much more pressure than I am who are coping and doing great (even if they don’t always feel it). Everyone who I have spoken to about it has said that I’m different because I am growing my baby girl and that is the most important, I know their right but the anxiety is there, making me worry about work. So I’ve been signed off work for two weeks initially to give myself a break away from work and trying to relax and get my head in gear. I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy. I’m experiencing feelings and thoughts that I haven’t had before (nothing terrible, don’t worry) and I’m not sure how to deal with them.
So there you go, that’s what I’m dealing with as start the last 12 weeks of my last pregnancy. The positives are that I cannot wait to meet our little girl and her bedroom has begun to take shape…well it’s plastered anyways and the wallpaper is ordered. She’s moving more and more, I’ll actually be interested to see if my anterior placenta has moved because I can feel her a lot more in the last couple of weeks. What makes me feel both guilty and happy is that since I have started trying to relax more, she has been more active. I’ve obviously been doing too much and she’s been jiggling all over, unable to relax and kick about herself. Most sensibly, my husband and I went through our finances yesterday and I feel a lot better now I know where we are as I begin my maternity leave at the end of November. I’ve started thinking about my hospital bag but can’t actually remember what I need…although I am excited to use my Cath Kidston changing bag again! Finally, Little L loves kissing my belly goodnight and talking to his baby sister (who apparently talks back in a very high squeaky voice). I just hope he’s as good big brother when she’s here and invaded his home.
Have you suffered with anxiety? Do you have any words of advice or wisdom for me with something massively out of my comfort zone? Can you tell me what I need in my hospital bag? Please comment below or find me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram