Resuscitating Our Marriage

 

Relationships/marriages are hard work.

A statement that some will agree with and some will not. Some will say that, if you are truly meant to be with that person, it should be effortless. Those same people will probably tell me that they never argue with the other half too. My cynical mind would say that those people are in new relationships or live very boring lives.

Anyone with a child will understand the strain that a baby can put on a relationship. I don’t think anyone fully understands this until they become parents and I want to scream at the TV (I’m not going to lie, usually Jeremy Kyle) when someone says they thought a baby would bring them closer together. Ha ha ha ha! Really? Being sleep deprived, stressed out, covered in poop/sick/wee/snot/dribble, not feeling like your body is your own, constantly having a small person attached to you…that’ll bring you closer together will it?! NO, no it will not. I can see why many relationships don’t stand the test of a child and it’s very sad, but completely understandable.

Over the last month or so I’ve been thinking about my own relationship with my husband. In fact, two months ago I wrote this post which touched upon the fact that I’d become a bit of a rubbish wife. Becoming a mummy had took over my life and I forgot about the foundation that our family was based on. There were arguments that ruined the little time we had together alone and if we didn’t go out anywhere, my husband would play with Mini R while I pottered about…we were just separate.

I did a lot of thinking, reflecting and I’m not ashamed to say that I even went on the Relate website to see if I could pinpoint where we were going wrong and how we could fix it. The online counsellor was surprisingly helpful, despite not having a lot of background information on us and said it seemed like we were both feeling under appreciated. Me: juggling work, our son, the house and daily jobs that kept our lives running. My husband: working his backside off to fund our lives. She’d hit the nail on the head. She also suggested that I focus on what I wanted to see and the positives rather than on what wasn’t happening and the negatives, as he would immediately be defensive. Wise words.

I have to say at this point I’m reflecting on whether it’s appropriate to write this post however, going back to my original statement, I do believe that relationships take work (especially when you add a child into the mix) and I want my blog to be real, truthful. I was working at our relationship, trying to improve it. I felt strongly that we just needed to reconnect as a couple. We had our family unit and our personal bonds with our son but we had lost “us”. The two people that had built a life together for 6 years were drifting apart, not because they didn’t love each other, but because life was getting in the way.

I realised that we’d not had a date night since our second wedding anniversary in August so we’d spent four months like ships passing in the night, paddling to stay afloat with day to day life and forgetting about our marriage because other things were more important. Luckily we had a night in a hotel booked for my cousins wedding reception about an hour away from home. To be honest, it came at just the right time.

As we drove away from the house, waving goodbye to our son and his grandparents I felt a little lump in my throat but as we drove and chatted I felt myself relax and enjoy catching up with my husband. The evening itself was a lot of fun: we drank, chatted, danced and then a night in a hotel where we didn’t get woken up in the night or in the morning – bonus! As we drove home the following day I felt relaxed, happy, in love and ready to get back to life whilst vowing that we would make time for each other more often. I’m not saying that it’s that simple and I’m sure we’ll still come across challenges in the future however I do think that if we can make space in our life for quality time together, we will both be a lot happier. Coincidently, we were given two lots of cinema vouchers for Christmas so thats two date nights to look forward to, something we did all the time before Mini Roversi came along however we have agreed to have nights in where we put our phones upstairs out of the way and make time for each other that way too, after all, we are the base of our life with everything else built on top. I suppose, like the title of this post says, our marriage just needed resuscitating a little. We’ve breathed some life back into it and I’m looking forward to more time with my lovely husband.

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Reconnecting

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this whether you agree or disagree. Have you come across similar problems since having a child? Comment below or find me on Facebook and Twitter.

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

About Educating Roversi

30 something wife and Mum to one. Blogging about parenthood, home, days out and anything else that takes my fancy!
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17 Responses to Resuscitating Our Marriage

  1. myhuesoflife says:

    Hi there, I must say we all go through similar experiences after child birth… At least the first few years after the birth of my child was just the same as you have experienced. But now, thankfully life is far more settled and after all those tougher days that we faced together, we are have become stronger as a team…Lots of love to you family. God bless

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The Realities of Parenthood |

  3. I agree with you. A baby changes a relationship and in my mind proves it you are meant to end together, make or break. And ones that work at it want to be there. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I completely agree with you. Your relationship is never the same after having kids and it it is true that you kind of get involved in the daily routine and there is never enough time just for you and your husband. Or at the end of the day you are so tired that the only thing you want to do is go to bed lol. We have only gone out alone recently for the first time as we finally found someone that can take care of the girls. It was a much needed night! I would like to have more of these nights this year. Another thing we haven’t done and I’m desperate to do is a weekend away without the girls but this sounds a little bit more complicated. Well done that you managed to find sometime to spend just the two of you. Wishing all the best for you guys and for more dates like this to come!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I would love to see you again on Sunday! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is such an open and honest post hon.Yip I certainly do agree with what you have written. We are pretty much in the same situation and in desperate need of a date night to help revive our marriage. I really think it’s important to make time for ourselves and this year that’s just what we are going to do. Here’s to many more date night and to your marriage flourishing. Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS.I would love to see you again on Sunday!Xx #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Suburban Mum says:

    I can totally relate to this. Having children changes the dynamics of your relationship and it is so easy to strike the right balance. It seems alot is expected of us mums! We work, we look after the children, we run the house and then to some extent we are also expected to look after our husbands too!

    I think for me, the most important thing is to remember to take some time out for myself, and then yes – organising date nights, weekends away with your other half definitely helps re-address the balance and remind yourself who you both were pre-children! #KCACOLS

    Like

  7. ljdove23 says:

    I have literally just linked up a very similar post!! It is so difficult to keep a marriage alive when babies come along but as long as you both keep working at it, you will always find a way. Its reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who finds this a struggle, thank you for sharing!! #justanotherlinky

    Like

  8. twinderelmo2014 says:

    It’s so difficult to strike the right balance isn’t it? I feel so guilty going out & leaving the kids but realise it’s essential because I want time with my husband too. Can never win can we?! #anotherlinky

    Like

  9. Angela Milnes says:

    John and I have to try and put each other first and you speak wise words. Marriages can be beautiful and wonderful when we put int he work. I’m so happy to be married to my sweetheart.

    Angela

    Liked by 1 person

  10. agentspitback says:

    Thank you for sharing a bit of your life! I loved your honesty and it must have taken you courage to post this. You have hit the nail on its head. Marriage, or any relationship needs to be constantly worked on and it will grow and change as circumstances in our lives change. We tend to take for granted that the love will be enough but then we forget that we change as we are just no longer just partners but now partners with children who depend on us. It can be as easy as making a five minute phone call during a busy day, just to let your partner know that you are thinking of him or her, and just him or her for that moment. #justanotherlinky

    Liked by 1 person

  11. A great, honest post. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Definitely agree – it’s so easy just to fall into a rut after having a baby. I’m too tired to do anything ‘coupley’ when I get in from work, and my OH is frustrated at having spent all day with the soundtrack of crying and CBeebies… You really need to set aside time for each other or resentment starts creeping in! #binkylinky

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Nige says:

    A very honest post but very true all of it our twins are nearly 4 years old and I feel they dominate our every move at times children put a huge strain on relationships unfortually for us we have no one to take them for the night great post thanks for linking to the #binkylinky

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is a great post as it is both honest, positive and forward thinking. It’s been great reconnecting with you this year. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  15. BestDadICanBe.com says:

    That’s a really good – and honest – post. Being parents puts a tremendous strain on a relationship and anyone who says differently is almost certainly lying to themselves. We went through some really tough times when our daughter was 15-17 and you really have to work at it. Believe me, whatever strains a small child puts on a relationship, a teenager multiplies 10 times. And it is remarkably difficult to have sex with a teenager listening in the next bedroom…
    So good for you for recognising the problem at an early stage. Lots of luck and keep working at it

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Becky HK says:

    So true for us all. Puttin one another first is vital- you need each other and kiddoes need you to be a strong unit! Excellent blog and thank u for your honesty a good reminder to us all to invest in our marriages snd remember why we fell in love x

    Liked by 1 person

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