Relationships/marriages are hard work.
A statement that some will agree with and some will not. Some will say that, if you are truly meant to be with that person, it should be effortless. Those same people will probably tell me that they never argue with the other half too. My cynical mind would say that those people are in new relationships or live very boring lives.
Anyone with a child will understand the strain that a baby can put on a relationship. I don’t think anyone fully understands this until they become parents and I want to scream at the TV (I’m not going to lie, usually Jeremy Kyle) when someone says they thought a baby would bring them closer together. Ha ha ha ha! Really? Being sleep deprived, stressed out, covered in poop/sick/wee/snot/dribble, not feeling like your body is your own, constantly having a small person attached to you…that’ll bring you closer together will it?! NO, no it will not. I can see why many relationships don’t stand the test of a child and it’s very sad, but completely understandable.
Over the last month or so I’ve been thinking about my own relationship with my husband. In fact, two months ago I wrote this post which touched upon the fact that I’d become a bit of a rubbish wife. Becoming a mummy had took over my life and I forgot about the foundation that our family was based on. There were arguments that ruined the little time we had together alone and if we didn’t go out anywhere, my husband would play with Mini R while I pottered about…we were just separate.
I did a lot of thinking, reflecting and I’m not ashamed to say that I even went on the Relate website to see if I could pinpoint where we were going wrong and how we could fix it. The online counsellor was surprisingly helpful, despite not having a lot of background information on us and said it seemed like we were both feeling under appreciated. Me: juggling work, our son, the house and daily jobs that kept our lives running. My husband: working his backside off to fund our lives. She’d hit the nail on the head. She also suggested that I focus on what I wanted to see and the positives rather than on what wasn’t happening and the negatives, as he would immediately be defensive. Wise words.
I have to say at this point I’m reflecting on whether it’s appropriate to write this post however, going back to my original statement, I do believe that relationships take work (especially when you add a child into the mix) and I want my blog to be real, truthful. I was working at our relationship, trying to improve it. I felt strongly that we just needed to reconnect as a couple. We had our family unit and our personal bonds with our son but we had lost “us”. The two people that had built a life together for 6 years were drifting apart, not because they didn’t love each other, but because life was getting in the way.
I realised that we’d not had a date night since our second wedding anniversary in August so we’d spent four months like ships passing in the night, paddling to stay afloat with day to day life and forgetting about our marriage because other things were more important. Luckily we had a night in a hotel booked for my cousins wedding reception about an hour away from home. To be honest, it came at just the right time.
As we drove away from the house, waving goodbye to our son and his grandparents I felt a little lump in my throat but as we drove and chatted I felt myself relax and enjoy catching up with my husband. The evening itself was a lot of fun: we drank, chatted, danced and then a night in a hotel where we didn’t get woken up in the night or in the morning – bonus! As we drove home the following day I felt relaxed, happy, in love and ready to get back to life whilst vowing that we would make time for each other more often. I’m not saying that it’s that simple and I’m sure we’ll still come across challenges in the future however I do think that if we can make space in our life for quality time together, we will both be a lot happier. Coincidently, we were given two lots of cinema vouchers for Christmas so thats two date nights to look forward to, something we did all the time before Mini Roversi came along however we have agreed to have nights in where we put our phones upstairs out of the way and make time for each other that way too, after all, we are the base of our life with everything else built on top. I suppose, like the title of this post says, our marriage just needed resuscitating a little. We’ve breathed some life back into it and I’m looking forward to more time with my lovely husband.