What We All Wanted To Know…

I recently created a message to all my mum Facebook friends, asking them “What do you wish you’d known before coming a parent?” and I was inundated with replies! I was so pleased that people took the time to reply and I think you’ll see a mixture of options and experiences but all are true, some funny, some sad, some scary, but all true and when I was pregnant, my motto was “The More Information  The Better!”

WHAt WE ALL WANTED TO KNOW...

So here you go, new mum to be, this is what you are letting yourself in for! 


“Nobody told me how hard it would be to do simple things like…LEAVE THE HOUSE! Oh, and that your boobs leak in the supermarket when a baby cries and it’s not even yours, ha ha mental.”

“I miss being spontaneous. No last minute meals out for tea, going to the pictures or out for drinks. Everything requires planning!”
“No one really stressed to me enough just how undignified the birth process is AND how, by the end of it all, you just lose your in hibitions and don’t give a shit who sees you in all your glory.”
 
“You have to check your baby is still breathing several times a day. In the middle of the night, even with a lack of sleep, you stare at their perfect face and are totally besotted. And you can suddenly tolerate cold tea and soggy cereal!”
“No one told me that my house would never be tidy again! Ha ha!”
“You won’t use the cot part of the travel system more than a few times. You feel like the best mum ever one minute and a failure the next. No phase lasts foever, they all pass and having a group of friends who are going through the same things at the same time is the best thing ever and you make friends for life.”


“You constantly are woken up when they cry, or move, then wakeup anyway because they haven’t cried! You will known Peppa Pig word for word because you put it on to entertain the young one then they go off playing with something else and you find yourself still watching it on your own!”

The smell of your baby’s head is gorgeous, even when he’s five years old. No cup of tea or slice of toast will ever taste as good as the one they give to you after your birth is over. No one told me how inadequate I felt from having not been able to have a natural birth, twice, but it has all been put into perspective by how grateful I feel for having two perfect, healthy humans I get to call mine for my lifetime and by how my life and theirs were saved by the amazing doctors and nurses who delivered them safely by caesarean.”
 
“Every mummy to be needs to know they WILL need a jug of warm water for that first wee (if it’s a natural birth). That, personally, I question every decision I make and whether it’s the right one, and still debate on it the following week. I have never felt so guilty about situations once  you have realised there is a reason behind it all.”
“I never knew I would feel so guilty about everything. This only gets worse when you have another. I felt like I should be stimulating my baby all day everyday so when I did let myself do the ironing/cleaning/cooking, I felt so guilty!”
 
“Paying a fortune for a travel system was the biggest waste of money ever. Invest in a decent buggy!”
 
“The drunk on milk face is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.”
 
“You should never have a baby to “fix” a marriage. It will totally go the other way!”
 
“I thought I Would be able to leave my babies with anyone so I could still go out and have a life etc but it turns out, I don’t trust anyone and whenever I leave them I am constantly on the phone checking they are ok! Even when they are with their daddy, who is a legend of a daddy!” 


“People saying ‘Breast is Best’ is all well and good but do not feel guilty if you can’t or don’t want to breast feed! Your baby will thrive because you love them! Oh, and that your house will NEVER be tidy, ever again even though you spend all week tidying it!”

“Being ill and having a baby/toddler to look after it THE WORST! (Currently in bed with a stomach bug)”

Pregnancy – that I would worry every other minute about baby and smile every time baby moved! I didn’t know it would be so tiring.
Labour – when my waters broke (all over my husband) that it would feel like I had shattered into a million pieces!! That it hurts so much but midwives are so amazing that they make it easier but you really do need someone there (to crush/cuddle)
Being a mum – that I’d feel guilty about every single thing I do or don’t do! That I don’t care that I look minging all the time. I didn’t know that buying for baby is better than buying for yourself! And that I would cry with joy and pride all the bloody time! I didn’t know anything really, because what I thought I knew/thought about other mums I know has totally changed!” 
“Never knew my husband could be so soft!” 
“Don’t buy a Moses basket, if I’d have know my LG would never sleep in it.”
“Googling neatly everything in the middle of the night whilst feeding, just to check its normal.” 
“I didn’t realise how many random people would peek over my pram to nosey at my newborn. Give us some space!” 
People should tell you that your second child won’t be the same as your first. You will spend so much more time with your first then when your second arrives the first will still think that you spend more time with the second. And you will feel guilty for not spending enough time with either while your life completely revolves around their needs.” 
“Even if they are being complete turds you still absolutely adore them but you long for a bit of peace and quiet…but then hate how quiet and empty the house feels when they’re not there.”
 
“No one ever tells you the hardest thing/most life changing is having your first child, second child is a walk in the park. I never thought it would be easier with two but it honestly is!!!”
 
“I laugh all the time with the hubby about how our lives have changed since having our babies. Who knew when we got together as party loving, binge drinks that our Saturday nights would consist of full on conversations about poo, wind and milk. Childless friends some over and we literally have nothing but babies to talk about. We will get our lives back and the it’ll be revenge time!” 
 
“No one told me when my milk came in it would turn my boob into a Super Soaker 3000 and literally drench my baby and anything else within six inches!” 
“The moment you realise your relationship has changed beyond all recognition when, in hospital an hour after birth, you’re squeezing milk into a syringe held by your partner and high giving when you get a really good drop.” 
 
“The first time you go to the ‘toilet’ it’s like giving birth all over again…Ouch!” 
 
“Pre baby – under no circumstances would you becoming one of those mums who goes to ‘groups’ and sings cringed songs….then you find yourself at them several times a week and loving them!” 
 
“You can never underestimate just how much you will need the support of family and friends, old and new :)”
 
“I never thought I would have to fight so hard with the doctor to get my daughters tongue tie cut. While in hospital after having her, we both struggled with breastfeeding and many of the amazing nurses helped me with many different feeding tehniques but in the end, had to go to the bottle. The doctor came to discharge us said “I have had one for 60 years and still cope, I’m not doing it!” As a new mum, I lost it slightly! In the end we went private and as soon as the specialist saw it, she was fuming. Now there is no backing down with Mumma when it comes to my little girl!” 
That newborn babies pausing breathing for a few seconds is normal.”
“I will never forget that, when I had my first at nineteen, all the people that looked at me like I was something they trod in. Talking about me behind my back that I would never do anything with my life and that Sam would be a s***. Well, two fingers to those ignorants. It actually gave me the confidence to work my backside off to achieve a good life for him. He’s now about to turn sixteen, expected A’s and B’s in his GCSE’s and all three of my boys are completely awesome. It’s the best and most incredible journey. I am by far a better person with children than without. “
“I think that ultimately trusting in your own decisions as a parent, is the most important thing ever. Loads of people will offer advice, sometimes you’ll choose to accept other times it will be that stupid you’ll chose to move on. Sometimes the least helpful advise you receive is of family members! The best thing is to go with what is right and works for you! If that’s sitting up at 9/10pm with a toddler on your knee cause she can’t go to sleep by herself and you can’t bear controlled crying, so be it! Each to their own! Never condemn and never listen to those condemning you!”
 
“I used to beat myself up that my LB wouldn’t sleep In his own bed and try every night putting him back. I would be stressed and so would he. I reminded myself that they are not little for long so cherish every second. If he comes into my bed now I just cherish the cuddles.”
“That watching One Born Every Minute does not, in any way prepare you for labour and birth!!”
“Don’t leave shoe polish about incase your 3 year old has a sudden urge to become Spider-Man and completely cover himself from head to toe while you nip for a wee.” 
“Your life will change forever. Its something you could never describe to someone without a child and something you know all other parents will understand. “
“You will constantly be amazed by your life. You’ll have some the toughest times you’ve ever experienced and some of the most amazing moments you couldnt even have dreamed of every day.”
“You will appreciate forever those who support you, particularly those who experience things with you.”
“Do NCT!! Not because you need to learn how to change a nappy but you will meet people who will quickly become some of the most important people in your life.”
“That you can never prepare for or predict whats coming next. Ever!!”
“You will never see your body in the same way again. You will also never be embarrased by it again once youve wacked a boob out in public.”
“The word you will say the most times a day for the rest of your life is ‘poo’.”
“You will not get everything done round the house…and it really doesnt matter. You’ll soon find shortcuts to make the house at least look presentable, sometimes. 😉 nothing can prepare you for how hard it will all be. Or how worth it it all is. Friends with babies are an essential if you want to stay sane! And there are loads of keyboard warrior mums out there. Just ignore them! Parenthood is not a competition. Just do your best and dont beat yourself up if all your well meant plans fall dead in the water! Be happy and proud that you get through each day!”
“Something I wish I knew was how full of bullshit some people are. Mum friends are important but ones who pretend the sun shines out of their babies arse are annoying!! You know the ones who’s babies never cry, never embarrass them or make them feel inadequate. Ones who never feel frustrated by their child – I refuse to believe them!! I wish someone could have explained to me how much it would change the relationships I have with almost everyone because, sadly, they are just not my priority anymore (as harsh as that sounds). Also I will never let anyone play down child birth, it’s not easy, it does hurt and it’s not an enjoyable experience (until the babies are here obvs).”
 
“I have learnt that I can tidy my house better in 10 minutes before someone comes over than I can in a week! I also don’t judge other mums  – we all parent in different ways and as long as the kids are happy, healthy and loved them it’s all good.”
 
“NOTHING! I wouldn’t want to know about any of it! Not the months of morning sickness, the horrific birth, the baby illness, the depression, the endless, bone-grinding sleep deprivation because I might not have done it then, and because I couldn’t have done anything to change what happened to me or my LB.
The thing is people DO try to tell you about it all before you have a baby and when you’ve had one, you are drowning in advice all the time, some kind, some unhelpful, but until you go through it you can’t prepare for any of it. 
Basically you have to put the hours in and that’s it. You have to spend days and weeks and months building a relationship with this little person and they are all very different, much more so than you’d think babies could ever be. 
Oh maybe just the envelope-neck thing taking off vests, my dad showed me that when LB was about 3 months old, that would have helped in the early days!”
 
“I wish someone would have reminded me it is not the end of the world when they go through the 4 month sleep regression!!! And mainly it is wonderful to listen to many other mothers thoughts and ideas but we must always do as we see best as we know our babies the best!”
“No-one had prepared me for how much weight I was going to gain and the water retention that went with it. I resembled Violet Beauregard from Willy Wonka at the end.”
“Nobody tells you how bad the recovery is from a c section. No driving for 6 weeks, stitches to try and not get wet and the injections that you have to have for about 7-10 days after. It was not the start to motherhood I had planned!!”
 
“I wasn’t prepared for the amount of stretch marks I got on my legs and stomach. I now resemble a tiger. A fat tiger. I used to cry about how I looked because I looked so different to the person I was used to seeing.”
“Nothing prepares you for when your baby is poorly and u have to get up 7 times in the night. I couldn’t have even told you my own name at that point!”
 
“I do struggle with the guilt of having to leave her with grandparents and childminder as I’ve had to go back to work full time.” 
 
“I never knew sleep deprivation would make me so irrational. With my LG I actually wished myself to get a mild form of meningitis just so I could have a break! How bad is that??!! I have a friend who wished herself to fall down the stairs & break her leg so she could get some rest too. So glad it wasn’t just me!”
After two kids I can’t even sneeze, cough or laugh without fear of wetting myself!!”
 
I wish I had known that it really is impossible to form bad habits when the babies are tiny. I was so afraid of forming bad habits! Feeding to sleep, cuddling to sleep, dummy to sleep, pram to sleep…. Ahhhhhhhhhh! And that self-soothing is a myth. All of those things help babies to sleep because they are BABIES! They need help! Yes they can learn in time to go to sleep without your help but I wish I enjoyed all the early sleepy cuddles without feeling guilty and like I should put my baby boy down. What else… That breastfeeding would take all the strength I had mentally to persist. Oh and that ‘0-3 months’ vests wouldn’t fit a newborn.” 
 
“No one told me that me second experience of mummy hood would be so much harder than my first. Surely it should be easier?!”
“At times it can be downright lonely.
You can be surrounded by the most supportive family and friends but the majority of the time you are home alone with two small people and no help. When you have a baby that just wont sleep it can be a very draining experience. The days drag and the week seems to last forever.”
“Sometime going to baby groups can make you feel even more lonely when you are sat in a room full of other mums but do not manage to strike up a meaningful friendship with anyone. I must add that I have had really positive experiences of baby groups and have made some really close friends through them. The can be really cliquey at times though can’t they?”
“Everyone tells you how wonderful it will be and how much you will love your baby but until you have them in your arms you cannot comprehend the love you will feel. It is possible to be at your absolute wits ends with a screaming baby but at the same time still feel the strongest bond of love you have ever felt in your life. No matter how hard this job is I would never swap it or go back to my life before.”
“I read on Facebook the other day that someone had bought a thermal cup in a survival pack for their pregnant friend. I wish someone had mentioned this to me before! I don’t think I’ve managed a hot cup of tea in my three years of being a mummy!”


“Buy a jumperoo. They give you a few minutes peace to go to the loo or make yourself a cuppa. Best fifty quid I spent!”
 
“Someone did once tell me that newborns don’t know the difference between day and night and they have to learn every single little thing, sounds simple but those words kept me going when I was up through the night, trying to get his latch right or generally trying to look after him!” 
 
“Sleep when the baby sleeps is the biggest amount of bulls**t I have ever heard. It’s just not possible…unless you leave your house a complete tip, don’t eat and don’t go out. My LB slept while I was out a lot so there was no way I could sleep.”
 
“As soon as people find out your pregnant they feel it necessary to give you every single detail of their labour, even people you hardly know start going on about forceps and stitches, hmm thanks for that!”
“Going from one babies to two i found ok cos i waited four years, but going from two to three with a nineteen month gap was pure madness…for me anyway! I dont think I left the house for three months – lol – and when i did, it resulted in tears. I could manage the school runs but journeys in car i just lost plot with!!”
 



In addition to this, my friend has a fantastic website where she also writes a blog and has a post of the same topic, as well as this she sells personalised children’s books which are gorgeous! Take a look: http://www.yourveryownstory.com

Despite all these different responses to motherhood there is once think they all have in common, each one wouldn’t change it for the world as the feeling of holding your newborn is better than anything else you will ever experience. When they sit up for the first time, take a step, say a word, hold their arms out to you for a cuddle, your heart will swell with love and pride. Oh and you’ll definitely think you have the cutest child ever made! 🙂 Good luck mum to be. Let the roller-coaster begin!

 


The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback

Mummascribbles

About Educating Roversi

30 something wife and Mum to one. Blogging about parenthood, home, days out and anything else that takes my fancy!
This entry was posted in All Posts, Motherhood, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to What We All Wanted To Know…

  1. Pingback: The Realities of Parenthood |

  2. This is such a fab post with so many answers that I was totally nodding along with! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    Liked by 1 person

  3. agentspitback says:

    Shoe polish and Spiderman— LOL…Thank you for putting together this list! Great read. #abitofeverything

    Like

  4. nourishingmyscholar says:

    Oh yes, all of this and more! Why isn’t there a book with all of these things in it! #TwinklyTuesday

    Like

  5. Nat says:

    Fab post! Interesting to see all the different opinions, some I agree with others not so much. As you say though, we all have one thing in common.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Brilliant post! I have just gone through agreeing with it all.
    Being a mum is the hardest thing ever, but for all the crap (literally) that comes with it, you wouldn’t change it all for a second.

    Thank you for linking up to #SundayStars

    Like

  7. Angela Milnes says:

    What a fabulous post! I really enjoyed reading this! The answers were so diverse but as you say, no one would want to trade in being a mother. It is the best job ever and the most important role we can have! What a wonderful opportunity we have to be mother’s and to raise children into decent, kind, intelligent human beings!

    Thanks for linking up to #PositivelyPosted

    Angela from http://www.daysinbed.com

    Liked by 1 person

  8. hgriff13 says:

    Yes yes yes to all of this! Sat nodding my head at all of them – great advice for new Mummies! x

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Love love love it! Nodding along to all of them! Great advice for new Mummies! x

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Mama says:

    Great tips and advice. I hope some mums-to-be stumble upon this gold mine.

    #sundaystars

    Liked by 1 person

  11. sam Rose says:

    So very true especially investing in buggy is the best one.

    Like

  12. Ha ha so interesting to hear from real people! What a fab idea and great responses. Thanks for linking up and sharing – much appreciated 🙂 Jess xx

    #SundayStars

    Like

  13. Glad you enjoyed reading it. It's been one of my most popular posts and I think it's because it's so real ☺️ #educatingroversi #sundaystars

    Like

  14. I read this entire thing and just went 'yes, yep. yup.' All so true! What a brilliant idea to do this, a lovely little pocket of advice for mums to be. 😀

    Parenting is hard, but so precious. xx

    #sundaystars

    Like

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